


The Bet, or, The Tale of Dog the Dog-Thief and His Poor Life Decisions

by Lavavulture



Series: Dog and Cole's Magical Rom-Com Adventures [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Bad Decisions, Dirty Talk, M/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-05-23 13:35:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6118045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavavulture/pseuds/Lavavulture
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dog makes a stupid bet with Sera (along with a little help from Solas) that he can stay celibate for a week and Cole tries to go along with it because he's really just a very helpful person but that just makes it much harder (this is a pun).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Dog Is Very (very) Easily Manipulated Into a Stupid Bet and Cole Tries His Hand At Landscaping

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like every time I post something I say that it's the most self-indulgent thing I've ever written but really, people, this is the height of it. The only way I could be more self-indulgent is if I wrote a story in which Vivienne is cleavaging over a plate of fine cheeses while Sera tries to seduce her with terrible flute music and Cassandra sensually bathes in front of Varric. This takes place way before Cole and Dog leave for Kirkwall. 
> 
> Also, just in case this banter never triggered for you, the chess conversation between Solas and Iron Bull is taken entirely from their in-game chess match. It's one of my favorite bits of ongoing character banter.

Dog kissed along the side of Cole’s neck and smiled against his warm skin when he sighed in satisfaction. He wasn’t one for bragging but he’d really helped to accomplish something over the past few hours and the proof was in a normally fidgety spirit’s limbs spread lazily around him like they were never going to move again. 

“Sun’s coming up,” Dog murmured. He chuckled after he yawned wide. “Suppose it’s too late to try to get some sleep.”

“The guards like it here in the morning.” Cole slipped his long fingers through the dark strands of Dog’s hair. “The cook gives them all two portions if they bring her a special bottle.”

“Right.” Dog reluctantly rose up from the wine cellar floor, slipping out of Cole’s loose grip and stretching out to touch the walls on either side of him. He snatched up a shiny bottle from the shelf and peered at the label. “You think Her Worship would mind me taking a little sip? So long as everybody else is doing it?”

“The soldier hid that bottle behind a rock for later but he was eaten by spiders. Trevelyan gave me his dagger.” Cole twined around him as he stood. He pressed his face into the crook of Dog’s neck and slid his hand down the front of his trousers.

“You’re cute when you talk about dead people,” Dog said, biting Cole’s neck with light, affectionate nips. He grunted in mock exasperation when Cole continued to press against his hand against him. “But, hey, now, none of that. Spent all night on that, didn’t we? I’ve got to build up my strength again. Some of us need sustenance.” 

Despite his words Dog couldn’t stop his hands from working their way back around Cole’s body. They’d spent their first night together a month ago—one of the most pleasurable nights that Dog could every remember spending—and had never really separated since then. Sera had gotten them kicked out of the tavern last week but Skyhold was a big place and neither of them were picky.

“There’s fresh bread in the stables. Sera made it for Blackwall because she wants him to know that he’s still him to her but he’s scared to eat it. He went to the tavern. The guards don’t go to the stables,” Cole said, a hopeful note in his voice that made Dog interested despite how exhausted he was. He considered it long enough for his stomach to rumble. 

“I’d be scared too.” Dog patted Cole on the back and let him go. “No, rabbit, I need real food. I’m going to go to the tavern myself. You coming?”

“No,” Cole murmured, disappointed. “Varric is looking for me.”

“Hey, now, don’t make that face.” Dog cupped his pointed chin in his hands and very gently kissed him. In Dog’s opinion, Cole’s melancholy little face was the most adorable thing that had ever existed. He thought about it at all hours of the day. “Go have some fun with Varric and we can have fun later.”

 

The tavern was subdued when Dog went in, with only a few of the regular visitors milling around. Maryden was perched straight-backed in a chair and sipping on a strong-smelling tea. Krem was perched higher on his chair and blatantly watching the bard as he worked his way through a roll. To Dog’s surprise Iron Bull was munching on a turkey leg next to Solas and a yawning Sera. Dog could count on one hand both the number of times he’d seen Solas in the tavern or talking with Sera and Iron Bull. It made him a little nervous. Sera was his friend but Iron Bull intimidated him and Solas always looked at him like he was trying to remember who he was.

“Oh, clever. You almost trapped my Arishok.” Iron Bull laughed loudly in the quiet of the tavern and Sera moaned in pain. “Ben-Hassrath to G8.”

“Shut it with all that boring chess shite,” Sera grumbled at Iron Bull and Solas. She buried her head in her arms. 

“Morning, lad,” Blackwall said from behind Dog. He turned to see him with a flagon in both hands. Blackwall gestured to him with them. “Breakfast?”

“Don’t usually drink mine.” Dog scratched his head and waved to one of the pretty barmaids. 

Blackwall chuckled. “Sera misses Her Worship. I might have gone a bit overboard last night to distract her. This is just to take the edge off a bit.”

“Oh, give me!” Sera practically inhaled the beer when Blackwall set it down on the table and then looked longingly at the one he was sipping. Blackwall rolled his eyes but handed it to her. Sera burped loudly when she finished it and rubbed her stomach with a relieved sigh. “That’s what I was looking for. You! Stop hovering and sit. Hurts my neck looking at you.” 

Dog hesitated for a moment before settling down at the table. Solas was sitting on one side of him, sipping whatever he was drinking in a genteel way, and Sera was on his other side, already slipping her arm around his and listing to the side. She sighed dramatically.

“Bet Inky’s missing me now. Trapped up in the swamps with Cassandra, Vivienne, and Dorian. Nightmare stuff. She’s gonna have to open all her own locks and she’s no good at it.” Sera made a face as the barmaid set down a full plate of food on the table. Sera sniffed. “Bet she gets eaten by a big dead fish and I’ll never get to have sex again.”

“I think that we would all have bigger problems in that situation,” Blackwall said.

“Whatever. Sex is big too. Just cause you don’t do it now don’t mean it’s not.” Sera slumped her chin back down on the table and stuck her tongue out. She turned her head sideways to glare up at Dog through one eye. “You know what I’m on about, right? It’s all you do. Yuck.”

“It’s not all I do,” Dog muttered defensively. He could practically feel Solas disapproving of him even though when he peeked over, the elf was staring contentedly out into space. He cleared his throat and spoke louder, suddenly remembering the terrifying conversation he’d had with Iron Bull about his relationship with Cole. “Me and Cole do lots of things. Talking and connecting on all sorts of levels.”

Dog wasn’t really sure what the noise was that Solas made just then but it certainly didn’t seem to the polite cough he was pretending it was when he looked over at him.

“That’s nice,” Iron Bull said dismissively. He pointed to the turkey leg on Dog’s plate. “Are you going to eat that?”

Dog rather hoped that he would but Iron Bull had horns that were roughly the size of the table they were sitting at so he shrugged and handed the turkey over.

“That’s a laugh,” Sera said, waving her hands frantically at the barmaid until she came back over, rolling her pretty eyes. Sera snagged another flagon off of her serving tray and frowned when Blackwall plucked it out of her hand, replacing it with a glass of water. She scrunched her nose up at him when he started drinking and whipped her head back around to Dog. “Bet you can’t go without it until Inky comes back.”

“Course I could,” Dog said hotly and then blinked. “When’s she coming back?”

Iron Bull actually laughed at that and then made a wistful face. “They’re not coming back until next week at least. Damn, it has been a long time. Solas, it’s your move.”

“Of course,” Solas said. He set his cup down neatly on the table. “Mage takes Pawn, threatens Queen.”

“You definitely couldn’t go a week, not with the way you’ve been at it. Gross.” Sera mimed throwing up over the table and Blackwall scowled in disgust.

“Some of us are trying to eat here, girl. And leave the lad alone. You’ve interfered enough already.” 

“Yeah.” Sera beamed proudly. “Where you even sleeping now?”

“Here and there.” Dog considered. “Don’t see why we should have to put a hold on nothing just cause you’re missing it. Doesn’t do us any good.

Iron Bull grunted. “Arishok to F6.”

“How’s four royals do for you?” Sera reached around her pockets for a few frustrated moments and then poked at Blackwall’s shoulder. “Can I borrow?”

“No,” Blackwall said firmly.

“Doesn’t matter; I have it. Four royals says you can’t last out the week without you popping Creepy like a swamp bubble.” Sera stuck her tongue out at Dog and winked.

“Not smart,” Iron Bull said. He leveled his one scary eye on Dog. “Don’t make stupid bets involving other people and sex.”

“Don’t remember asking you for opinions. Unless you want a piece of the money?” Sera brightened at that idea. “Spot me my bit and he’ll pay you back double when he loses.”

“Didn’t say I’d do it, now did I?” Dog frowned down at the table. Iron Bull was right, although his authoritative tone woke up Dog’s defiant tendencies. He didn’t much like anybody telling him what to do.

“Much wiser not to try,” Solas said and Dog realized a second later that he actually was talking to him. “It’s difficult to go against your nature. Cole is more adept at it, of course, but it’s probably best for you to continue with what is currently working for you. Knight to C3. Iron Bull, you’ve developed nothing but your Queen.”

If Iron Bull’s good-natured admonishment set Dog’s teeth on edge, it was nothing compared to the irritation that flared up in him at Solas’s smug words. What was worse was how it didn’t sound smug at all. Solas sounded as though he were making the most logical observation in the world, stating a fact that anybody with a brain could see. And Dog knew that he wasn’t the smartest man who had ever lived but he could see this just fine. He remembered how Solas had once very serenely speculated that Cole would inevitably grow tired of sating his youthful curiosity with someone like him and find someone more appropriate for his unique nature.

Dog lunged to his feet before he could think about it. The table looked up at him in surprise. Dog shrugged casually and grinned, “Sure, let’s do it. We can have other fun, connecting and helping things and all. Four royals says Cole and me won’t do anything until the Herald gets back.”

“Deal!” Sera spit in her hand and held it up. Dog shook it immediately, aggressively, and stomped out of the tavern.

“He’s probably not coming back,” Iron Bull said, reaching over for Dog’s plate. He narrowed his eye thoughtfully at Solas for a moment as he chewed on a roll. “Kid’s not going to like that whole situation.”

“Nah,” Sera said with a peal of giggles. “Creepy might get mad! What do you think that looks like?”

“Unpleasant. But I’m sure that it would take more than that to anger him,” Solas said. He cleared his throat and turned to Iron Bull. “Are you conceding or do you need more time?”

Iron Bull snorted, considering. “Don’t get cocky, you’re still one Tamassran down. Tamassran to C5, by the way.”

“Hmmm, I will need to consider.” Solas stood up from the table and extended a cool farewell nod to the others.

“Yeah.” Iron Bull sat back in his chair and watched him go. “You go think about your next move.”

 

Dog’s irritation got him through the next hour without him having to consider the consequences of what he’d done. However by the time he charmed the surgeon to let him sleep on one of the empty cots in the medical tent—a feat aided by the medicinal herbs he found in his coat pocket – he began to have second and third thoughts. He turned over onto his side and frowned at the warm sunlight beaming down through a small hole in the canvas. Just this small bit of pleasantness made him think of how much more pleasant it would be if Cole was curled up beside him, sweet and sated in the way Dog knew he’d never been before.

“Fuck,” Dog murmured, closing his eyes. He’d really done something stupid. And what was worse was that Cole probably wouldn’t even be angry at him. Cole would probably be understanding and helpful and that would just make Dog want to tumble him more. He’d be lucky to last a day.

After a fitful nap, Dog stumbled out of the tent and made his way up to the courtyard. The soldiers were running practice drills out in the courtyard, with Commander Cullen shouting out frustrated criticism. Dog blearily watched their drills as he sat on the wall. He’d never been one for a soldier’s life, even though different groups had approached him in the past. It always seemed so monotonous and constricting. 

As Dog watched he saw a long, thin shape moving around in the shadows of the courtyard. It took him a moment to realize it was Cole—slinking around in a way that was almost imperceptible—and that he was picking up what looked like rocks from the ground. After he’d gathered up nearly an armful, Cole disappeared into the tavern. 

Dog pushed himself off the wall and made his way over to the tavern. If there was one thing Cole wasn’t, it was monotonous. As little as Dog wanted to acknowledge anything that Solas said, Cole was the most unique person he’d ever met. He really didn’t know why Cole would be interested in him beyond how clearly he loved having someone satisfy him. Repeatedly and sometimes in ways that managed to make Dog almost blush. He’d thought that he’d seen everything but Cole had no real concept of personal shame when it came to sex, just a strong curiosity about what else might feel good. Dog thanked the Maker every day for that miracle. 

The tavern was a whirlwind of activity compared to that morning. Half of the Chargers were loudly singing at a back table on the first floor while another group of soldiers attempted to provide asynchronous accompaniment on the second. Dog avoided Iron Bull’s watchful eye as he ascended the stairs and made his way up to the third floor. 

Back in the corner where Cole like to stand around and listen to everybody from a distance, Dog saw him depositing his armful of rocks on the floor. He was hunched over low on the ground and as Dog approached him, he was picking them up one by one and setting them quietly in a chest.

“All the choices are what really happened. You get to pick. They only make bad decisions if you let them.” Cole didn’t pause from his work as he spoke, his voice sounding thoughtful. He turned his head to Dog and nearly smiled. “Hello.”

“Hello, rabbit,” Dog murmured. He could feel a warm, soppy heat rising up in his belly already and they’d barely spoken to each other. He knelt down beside Cole and watched him move the rocks. “What’s that then?”

“They made the ground uneven,” Cole said decisively.

It made little sense to Dog and he scratched his head as he thought it over. Finally a glimmer of an idea came to him. “For the soldiers?”

Cole paused a moment, his long arm brushing against Dog’s arm. He seemed pleased. “Cullen feels stronger when they move right. Haven can’t happen again. Not here. Not now.”

“Sweet spirit.” Dog wrapped his arm around Cole’s shoulders and kissed him on the temple, pushing his hat to a skewed angle. Cole plunked the last rock down into the box and turned into Dog’s embrace.

“I got something to confess, rabbit,” Dog said guiltily even as he pulled Cole half into his lap on the ground. “I’ve done a silly thing.”

“I know,” Cole said. He stared unblinking at Dog with his wide blue eyes. Once Dog thought that those strange eyes would be the last thing he saw before he died. A small, growing part of him had begun to hope that this would be true. 

Dog sighed and nodded. “Right. You probably knew before I did. Are you mad at me?”

Cole shook his head and dug his hand down into his pocket. He pulled out four royals and pressed them into Dog’s hand. “Now you don’t have to lose money you don’t have.”

“Are you paying me to have sex with you?” Dog asked, stunned one moment and then fiercely aroused the next. He tipped Cole back against the railing and pressed his mouth down to the dip in his collarbone. He shuddered. “I’ve had this fantasy before. You gave me the money and fucked me over the railing right here.”

“Yes. It was nice,” Cole said. His clever hands were already working loose Dog’s belt before Dog came to his senses. He pulled away.

“Sweet, it’s not about the money.” Dog set his jaw firm against the sight of Cole peering up at him, face flushing already with excitement. “We get on other than sex, don’t we? And a week’s not that long. Sera won’t shut her face if we can’t do it.”

“You don’t care about Sera talking and thinking.” Cole arranged his frowny mouth into an even frownier cast. Dog had to forcibly stop himself from kissing that sweet mouth. 

“I know what I care about, don’t have to tell me,” Dog said grumpily, which just made Cole frown more and that wasn’t helping anything. Dog gathered up Cole’s long-fingered hands in his own and tried a different tact. “I promise I can make it up to you.”

“All right,” Cole said and touched Dog’s jaw lightly with two of his fingers, feeling down the stubble he hadn’t bother to shave off that morning. “But I do like all of you. Solas doesn’t want to understand. I’m not what he thinks I should be now and it makes him sad.”

And Cole looked fairly sad for a moment in what Dog could only assume was commiseration with his friend. This just made the long lines of his thin face even more melancholy than usual and really Dog couldn’t be blamed for pulling him into a fierce hug. They sat in silence before a thought came to Dog.

“Hey, where did you get four royals?” 

“Varric gave them to me,” Cole mumbled into Dog’s shoulder. “He told me he’d give me more if I stopped explaining why I needed them but I didn’t need more.”

“That’s adorable,” Dog said, flummoxed by a stomach filled with warm, fluttery butterflies. He lifted Cole’s head up to his and hesitated a moment, considering. “Surely no harm in a little kissing?”

“It never hurts,” Cole agreed immediately and kissed him hard. Dog refused to be outdone and licked lightly at Cole’s warm mouth, slipping his way inside in gentle increments.

Five minutes later Dog firmly lifted Cole out of his lap and onto the ground, as far away as he could. He tried to level out his breathing but it still came out in hungry pants that Cole mirrored as he looked at Dog. They both swallowed hard.

“Right, kissing’s probably off right now too.” Dog held out his hand and tried not to let his eyes catch on the flush lighting all the way down Cole’s thin neck, following the path his mouth had taken a moment before. “Let’s find where I threw your shirt and go take a walk.”

 

Cole’s bandaged hand felt thin in Dog’s hand as they walked along the battlements. Cole wasn’t as scrawny as he looked at first glance but he sometimes made Dog feel like one of the Inquisitor’s giant horses trampling around the halla. Although Dog was pretty sure this was a halla that could beat his horsy arse into the ground without breaking a sweat.

“Why would I fight you?” Cole asked Dog as they rounded towards the Commander’s tower. “I only fight people that I have to kill. I don’t want to kill you.”

“Glad to hear it.” Dog grinned at him. “Was just letting my thoughts go where they wanted. Didn’t mean nothing. You always listening in on me?”

“I like your thoughts,” Cole said, almost shyly. Dog squeezed his hand. 

They stopped when they got to the Commander’s door and went over the edge of the wall. The stables and marketplace were below them. The sellers were beginning to pack up their wares for the evening and the cool air was filled with the soft murmurs of their conversations. Cole broke away from Dog in order to jump on the ledge, settling down on it until he could swing his legs over onto the stone wall. Dog leaned over the ledge.

“Waste of time me telling you what I did today so why don’t you tell me what you did?” Dog rubbed his chin.

Cole began tapping his legs against the wall as he thought. “Varric wanted to teach me about the cards again so that Skyhold won’t be stone around him. I put a ribbon in Josephine’s desk. She needs three more for her friend to be whole again but they have to be red. I can’t be where those are. I tried to give the Avvar Nug the apple it wanted but Master Dennet remembers my face now. Then the soldiers began sticking in the ground.”

“I guess that’s where I came in.” Dog sighed contentedly under the rising moon. Cole turned his pale face towards him. In the waning light the dark shadows around his eyes were less noticeable and he looked slightly less melancholy than usual. It still made Dog want to kiss all along his cheekbones until he reached his mouth.

“We can’t kiss,” Cole murmured. “Everything aches when we do.”

“Saying stuff like that don’t help much,” Dog said, feeling a sharp pinch of arousal that he couldn’t do a damn thing about the way he wanted. He pushed off the ledge and held out his arms slightly. “Let’s go find a place to sleep tonight. We can read a bit out of that book.” 

Cole slid off the ledge and into his arms, pressing against him briefly. “You can read to me. It’s getting easier. You don’t always think about all the lies now.”

“I’m becoming a regular scholar,” Dog said, oddly proud of something he’d never had much interest in before. “Let’s go see if it’s bandits or spiders in the caves this time.”


	2. In Which Cole Shows Promise as a Sexy Barber and Dog Shakes Hands with a Nuggalope, Which Is Less Weird Than It Sounds

Dog whistled cheerily to his reflection in the mirror as he lathered up his face. The good-looking bastard grinning back at him had the patience and restraint of a saint and nobody would be able to argue with that. He and Cole had spent a wonderful night hardcore cuddling under the stars, hands all kept in their proper places like virgin royalty courting. He’d read Cole half of Varric’s book before he’d fallen asleep and he was almost interested in learning what was going to happen next.

“We’ve got this bet already won, rabbit, you just wait and see,” Dog said in confident voice as he lifted his shaving knife up to his cheek. “Your man’s going to buy you something nice with Sera’s money.”

Then of course he immediately cut himself with the first stroke of his blade. Dog swore as the blood splattered brightly down to the washbowl.

Cole glanced up from where he’d been poking his finger through a small hole in his hat. He was at Dog’s side instantly, pressing a rag up to the cut with a firm hand. “Don’t do that!”

Dog wondered if he was taking to him or to his blood.

“Maker’s Dick, that hurt.” Dog chuckled in disbelief as Cole pulled back the rag to peer carefully at the cut on his face. “I’m a clumsy prick, yeah? Cut my own throat one of these days.”

“No,” Cole said, very sternly, pressing the rag back against the cut hard. Cole grabbed Dog’s knife off the table where it had fallen and threw it across the room. “Your knife forgot where the edges are because you never reminded it.”

Dog blinked in surprise when the knife hit a wall and fell neatly down into a vase. He glanced back down as Cole pulled out a small knife from seemingly nowhere and began cleaning it in the water. Then Cole lifted the knife up to Dog’s face before pausing, his face suddenly uncertain.

“You want to show me how it’s done?” Dog asked slowly, realizing why Cole might be hesitant when lifting a knife to someone’s throat. Dog set the rag down on the cabinet and then curled his hand around Cole’s hand, leaning forward to kiss the small patch of skin between his thumb and index finger. Then he slid the backs of his fingers down the smooth valley of Cole’s cheek. “You got any practice in this sort of thing?”

“I watched Evangeline do it for Rhys. Her hands were steel but she made them soft for him and he called her an angel.” Cole closed his eyes under Dog’s fingers and sighed, perhaps in happy remembrance. 

“Good enough for me.” Dog led Cole over to a chair and then he sat down in it, pulling him in close. He wanted to pull Cole onto his knee but that seemed like it might be pushing it. He had clearly shown that he was a man gifted by the Maker with restraint no other creature could top but he didn’t want to test it more than he already had. Cole looked so sweet standing over him with a knife that it made his stomach hurt. “Make me more respectable, rabbit.”

Cole slid one of his long fingers down the rough stubble on Dog’s cheek before following it with his knife. His movements were slow and precise, the knife gliding over Dog’s skin like the soft press of a kiss trailing down. Cole’s bright eyes were focused and intent on his work. His thigh was pressing warm against Dog’s knee. When he was finally done, he lifted a clean rag up from his shoulder and rubbed his face smooth, his other hand curling around Dog’s neck for support. 

Dog was so hard he was pretty sure the demons in the sky rift could see it through the hole in the ceiling.

“They don’t look here when the Inquisitor is away,” Cole murmured reassuringly. His breath was warm against sensitive skin.

“Relief, that. Don’t want to shock any spirity sensibilities,” Dog said huskily, his hands slowly wrapping around Cole’s hips. He was struck by the intense desire to suck Cole’s prick until someone came and gave him a medal for it.

Cole let out a shuddered breath and dropped his knife to the floor. His own arms wrapped around Dog’s shoulders and he was in his lap in an instant. Then they were kissing and on most mornings this would have been a perfectly normal turn of events. Dog wouldn’t have hesitated to yank off Cole’s ridiculously, teasingly tight leathers and usher the new day in with enthusiasm.

But today wasn’t a normal day. Dog stood up suddenly and Cole would have been dropped to the floor if he didn’t have the reflexes of a cat. The cranky look he gave Dog was even a little feline and it made him flush guiltily.

“I’m sorry, sweet.” Dog rubbed his head. “I got a bit carried away with myself. Thanks for the shave.”

 

“I hate you,” Dog told Sera as he flopped his arm over his eyes. “Why you got to ruin nice things for?”

“Don’t climb up my arse; I’m not in the mood for it.” Sera kicked at Dog’s legs on her window cushion until he moved them enough for her to sit down. She sank heavily onto the cushion and blew air through her lips hard. “What’s your problem?”

“Nothing. I’m great.” Dog grunted and turned onto his side to stare at all of Sera’s tacky trinkets. 

Cole hadn’t been mad at him when they’d parted after his close shave but he had seemed frustrated, which was honestly worse. If Cole had gotten mad, Dog could have found it in him to tell Sera to fuck off so he could fuck on undisturbed. But Cole was still being very supportive of the whole thing despite how clearly he wanted what Dog definitely wanted. It was maddening. 

Sera and Dog both sighed in perfect, frustrated unison. As Dog began stretching out again on the cushion, Sera sprawled out her own skinny limbs until they were draped over each other in consoling clumps. Dog blinked a bit as his wandering gaze caught on some red ribbons wrapped around what appeared to be a crystalline unicorn. 

He sat up quickly, dislodging Sera so fast that she nearly toppled off of the cushion. He ignored her outraged squawks in order to cross the small room and pick up the unicorn. Dog gestured at her with it. “Give me these ribbons.”

“Fuck off!” Sera righted herself on the cushion and crossed her legs underneath her almost primly. She suddenly looked much awake and interested than she had all morning. “Those make Sparkles look right. I’m not just giving them to any shit that asks.”

Dog nodded. Here was something that made more sense than abstaining from sex because a mild-mannered elf apostate suggested he couldn’t. This was the language of street children everywhere. The art of making a deal.

And Dog didn’t have many possessions but he immediately reached down into his pocket for the one thing he did still own. He pulled out a deck of cards and tossed them on the cushion, casually so that Sera wouldn’t know they were important to him. “Take those for them.”

“Don’t need playing cards,” Sera said with a scoff but did pick them up. She shuffled them out and Dog grinned when her eyes went huge in surprise. “There’s tits on these!”

“Yeah, lots. Got a big Qunari woman on one of them.” Dog waggled his eyebrows at her.

“Where’d you get these?” Sera asked, flipping through the cards so fast that some fluttered down to the ground.

“Lady gave them to me,” Dog said, rubbing his neck. He remembered when his mentor Fidela had given him the cards, her shark-smile wide at his surprise. She’d told him that she would let him do anything he saw in the cards so long he got his shit together and finally learned how to pick a lock like an adult instead of a big clumsy child. It had been a great motivator but in retrospect it was probably not a good story. He had really come to doubt that Fidela had his best interests in heart.

“Some lady.” Sera snorted and then waved her hand at him when he began unwrapping the ribbons from the unicorn statue. “Take Sparkles too. These cards are worth more than some fucking ribbons and I’m not owing you nothing.”

“Deal.” Dog nodded at Sera and then stared down at the statue. What the fuck was he going to do with it?

 

“Is that for your sweetheart?” The question had come from the shortest of the serving girls, her hands on her round hips and a mischievous smile on her freckled face. At her words the other women giggled at Dog with the perfect amount of gentle derision as he glanced down at the unicorn poking out of his bag. He heaved the last of the bags of flour up onto the shelf and shrugged at her. 

“Probably not. My sweetheart’s not much for pretty trinkets.” Dog smirked at her. Her name was Flora or Fern or something else that was clearly fake, which was standard when it came to pretty serving girls in taverns. She was the ringleader of the group and the one who had imperiously agreed to give him food in exchange for some heavy lifting.

“Hmmm.” Flora (or Fern) tossed up a bit of her bright red hair and rolled her eyes over to another one of the other serving girls, one with shiny blonde hair and a truly astounding chest. “Candy is sweet on your sweetheart.”

“I am not, Fauna,” Candy said in a serene voice. She was the only one of the serving girls not to giggle teasingly at Dog as he’d worked for them and was currently preparing a small basket of food that he realized was for him. She pressed the basket into his hands and smiled very sweetly. “It wouldn’t be funny if I was though. Cole is nice. He helped me.”

“Helped you to five of The Iron Bull’s royals,” Fauna said cheerily. She had a crooked smile that Dog found charming. He’d told her so when he’d been trying to convince the women to let him have some of their fresh cooking and she’d bounced her curly red hair so high that it looked like a lion’s mane around her head. “I’d have tumbled him for free if the Bull would forget about that pretty magister for a night.”

All the girls—including Candy—sighed dreamily at the mention of Iron Bull. Dog raised an eyebrow, amused and a little curious. He’d always assumed—based more on his reactions than by anything he’d said—that he’d been Cole’s first lover. He could stand to hear about it if he hadn’t been, especially if the other party was a beautiful woman like Candy. “Tumbled what now?”

“We didn’t do anything,” Candy said, patting Dog on the arm as if he’d been upset. “Cole watched my dance and he said that it was nice and then he told me that my mother is proud of me, she was just afraid of being alone. She wrote back right away when I sent her a letter.” 

“That sounds like him.” Dog was aware that his smirk was sliding into a dopey, fond smile so he turned his face down towards the basket of food. “Say, think I could get my hands on some of those big apples?”

The women looked over to the big bags of fresh apples and turned to each other in silent consultation. Finally Fauna flipped her hair again and nodded to Candy, who turned her bright smile back to Dog.

“Those are very good apples. Cabot just got them in.” Candy crossed her arms over her prodigious chest. “Give us the unicorn and you can have three.”

“I want it for my sweetheart,” Fauna said, examining her nails with exaggerated casualness. “He does like pretty trinkets.”

“Not much of a deal for me.” Dog scratched his cheek thoughtfully. “How’s about three apples and you toss in some of that dwarf rotgut Cabot keeps pretending he’s not drinking?”

“Deal,” all the women said simultaneously and then giggled with the practiced charm of professional tavern wenches. Dog was convinced that if every high-class diplomat in the world was replaced by an experienced serving girl, there would never be another war again until the end of time.

 

Dog collected his things and wandered over to the stables. Blackwall was nowhere to be seen, probably off contemplating his guilt portion for the week, so Dog made himself at home in the barn and waited, thinking hard.

Cole showed up just when he was about to fall asleep on the soft straw. He was standing over Dog with a curious expression on his face, head tilted to the side. 

“There’s a mouse in your pocket,” Cole told him and when Dog hurriedly reached down, he discovered he was right. It had discovered one of his apples and chewed a small hole into it.

“You sneaky, little thief,” Dog told the mouse, which chittered at him in alarm. He set it down on the barn floor. “Stop your fussing, love, and shove off before you get eaten by the cats.”

He examined the apple. Cole knelt down on the floor and touched the hole. “He was happy that he found this.”

“I’m not happy,” Dog mumbled grumpily but his words lacked bite in the face of Cole’s warm approval. He tossed the apple out towards the mouse. He was rewarded with Cole pressing up against him, his hat toppling off in his zeal to shove his head under Dog’s chin. Dog hugged him. “Maybe I’m a little happy.”

Cole murmured agreeably at him and pressed in closer. Dog enjoyed the warm feel of his body until it began to make him feel a little too warm in the wrong places and then he pulled away. “Want to go have a picnic up on the walls, rabbit? I got the serving girls at the tavern to give me some food.”

“You told Lydia that she smiled like the sun. Her father always said her teeth were crooked,” Cole told Dog’s shirt. He sounded approving so Dog took that as a yes. 

“Wonderful. But first, I want your help with something.” Dog chuckled when Cole pulled away from him immediately. He went from soft and languid to focused in an instant. Dog reached down into his pockets for his other two apples. “I’ve got these just perfect for that big nuggalope but I need some sweet, pretty thing to distract that grumpy horsemaster while I give them to her. Maybe somebody that knows all about what his family’s been busy with while he’s busy up here?”

“Bron thought he’d won but Seanna laughed at the last line. It still felt like winning,” Cole said, almost briskly, nodding his head.

“Yeah, like that.” Dog rose to his feet. “Let’s go.”

 

“Those are some horns you’ve got there, love,” Dog said quietly as he slid up to the Avvar war nug’s stable. 

She made the strangest noise at him in response, sounding remarkably like a bass-voiced version of her squeaky little nug cousins. Dog looked over to make sure that Cole was keeping Dennet’s attention before moving in closer. Dennet was staring at Cole with what could only be described as disbelief but he didn’t look like he was going to walk away any time soon.

Dog lifted up his hand to show her the apple. The nuggalope suddenly lifted her front legs up and let them fall heavily on the front of the stall. Dog stared at them in horrified fascination. Make that front hands. He slowly brought the apple up to her big lips, flattening his hand.

She began nibbling at it almost delicately for her size before she clearly grew impatient. She reached out one of her huge hands and snatched the apple off of his palm, shoving it into her mouth. More of those deep squeaks emanated from her chest as she chewed until finally she was looking at him in expectation. 

“Yeah, I’ve got one more for you,” Dog said reluctantly. He’d really meant to keep one for himself but between the mouse and the nuggalope, he guessed that wasn’t going to happen. Dog reached down into his pocket and handed her the other one. She swallowed it down with the same enthusiasm and then reached her great hand out towards him again.

“I’ve got nothing else for you, love.” Dog held up his hands so that she could see that nothing was in them. She leaned forward and sniffed both of his palms curiously before lifting her hand and curling it around one of his. He stared wide-eyed at her for a moment, nervous as to what her intentions were, and was relieved when she simply tugged very gently on his hand and let it go, squeaking at him.

“You’re welcome,” Dog murmured. 

Then Dog slipped back through the barn and loped back around until he reached Cole and Dennett talking quietly. Or rather Cole was talking and Dennet almost looked like he was about to start weeping in the manliest of ways. Just as Dog reached them, Dennet clapped his hand down on Cole’s shoulder and squeezed it.

“You’re a good boy, lad. A fine boy,” Dennet said and then rubbed his face. “I’ll remember your words forever. If you want to spoil that ugly nuggalope, I won’t stand in your way.” 

Dog almost laughed but caught himself at the last moment. Trust Cole to make their whole subterfuge pointless with his helping. At least he’d made a new friend out of it. Dog would definitely come visit the nuggalope again tomorrow.

“She was lonely,” Cole said as Dog took his hand and led him up to the battlements. “The horses don’t like her and the air doesn’t smell like home. She likes you.”

Dog paused at the top of the stairs and peered down at Cole. He looked as smugly pleased with himself as it was possible for his guileless face to look.

Then Dog did laugh and he pulled Cole up to him for a soft, completely safe kiss on his clever, sweet mouth.

 

“’And then the handsome assassin waggled his obnoxious eyebrows at the pirate queen in an obnoxious way and suggested that they continue their—‘” Dog paused his reading and frowned at the word on the page. “Rabbit, what’s this say? They’re going to fuck, right?”

There was no response from the weight on his chest. Dog lowered the book and saw that Cole had fallen asleep, his face turned up towards him contentedly. One of his hands was curled up next to his face, the red ribbons Dog had given him tied around his thin wrist for safekeeping. Cole was new to sleeping but Dog thought that he did it better than anybody else in the world. He always looked so tender that Dog sometimes fell asleep in the most uncomfortable positions because he couldn’t bear to move him.

“This was a good day,” Dog told himself and set the book down on the floor. They definitely had this whole bet in the bag. They could last out the rest of the week easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dog is not as dumb as he thinks he is but he is pretty fucking dumb in this situation.


	3. In Which Dog Makes Another New Animal Friend and Cole Contemplate the Mysteries of the Flesh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to work on only one story at a time now so that I can finish stuff faster, which is why I've been cranking this out like it's my job. One-shots don't count, of course, so I'll probably start doing more of those as breaks in-between story chapters. I've had my eye on some old kinkmeme prompts for a long time now.

“It’s been days, sweet, and we are kicking this bet’s wide arse,” Dog said in a low, triumphant voice. He slid one of his hands down the smooth expanse of Cole’s bare back as he dug the fingers of his other hand into the firm flesh on his hips.

Cole didn’t answer—although no doubt he would have agreed—because he was too busy pressing his mouth to his arm, wetly stifling the moans spilling out from his lips as Dog fucked him from behind. His attempts were not fully successful and Dog groaned in approval when Cole’s hot whimpers filled the room.

“Interesting technique,” Solas said mildly. Dog rolled his eyes and glanced over to the left. Solas was perched high on a hay bale, a huge book open on his lap. He was turning the pages as he watched them couple on the ground. Most of his attention seemed to be focused on the heavy tome but Dog didn’t trust that his enigmatic smile wasn’t directed at him.

“Hey, give the guy a break. He’s doing the best he can,” Iron Bull said. He was sitting on another hay bale, surrounded by the giggling serving girls while Dorian sat on his lap looking bored. Iron Bull wrapped his huge arm around Dorian’s waist and leaned forward. “Do you want me to give you some pointers there, buddy?” 

“Please do.” Dorian raised an eyebrow and smirked. “I don’t know how much more of this I can stand to watch.”

“Nobody asked any of you to watch,” Dog said, his hips jerking unsteadily. Cole moaned in disappointment as he stopped moving. “Fuck off!”

Cole shuddered hard and turned his head to the side, one bright eye peering at him under a lowered eyelid. His voice was a breathy protest. “They want to help.”

“Don’t need their help,” Dog snapped and immediately felt bad when Cole just continued to stare at him in growing disapproval, his body trembling under him.

Suddenly the Avvar war nug barged into the barn, kicking hay around as she stumbled in. She rose up on her hind legs when she saw them and pressed her huge hands against her eyes. She screeched out in a voice that sounded remarkably like Sera’s, “Gross! Knew you couldn’t make it!”

A loud clucking woke Dog up and he spent a few moments staring up at the ceiling as the last remnants of his dream muddled together in his mind. He sucked in a deep breath. “Seems about right.”

Another cluck drew his attention to a large hen sitting on the ground next to a basket. Dog sat up, trying to ignore his confused erection, and stared. After a moment he reached for the basket. The hen fluttered her wings at him when he began pulling the basket towards him and followed it until she was sitting on one of his knees, pecking at the wicker of the basket. He tried to shove her off but she pecked at his hand in protest until he left her alone.

Inside the basket were several breakfast items, including a half-empty jar of honey, and wrinkled sheet of paper. Dog began eating as he tried to read the paper, fending off the hen’s excited advances.

_Billina wants the corn on the bottom._

Dog frowned but when he looked at the bottom of the basket he did see some corn. He scooped it out and dropped it on the ground next to him. The hen—apparently named Billina—hopped off his lap and began snapping up the kernels.

“He’s good,” Dog told Billina with no small amount of aroused pride in his voice. He continued reading.

_Her house doesn’t fit anymore but I couldn’t make the wires go the right way. The Inquisitor likes two of the three little men to keep watch from the loft but Daisy couldn’t put them back and she’s worried. I tried but they wouldn’t let me climb the ladder with them. Please help me tonight._

Here Cole had helpfully drawn a picture of what Dog assumed was him lifting two large, smudgy lumps. He only thought that the picture was him because beside the huge, dark figure was a smaller figure wearing a surprisingly detailed hat.

“Right.” Dog nodded slowly. He dug around in the bottom of the basket to scoop out another handful of corn. Billina clucked aggressively at him when he dropped the kernels on the ground but she did deign to bend her head down and peck them up in quick bursts. “So I’m going to build you a new home today, love?”

Billina clucked in a more agreeable way and settled back down on the ground. She barely protested when Dog scooped her up and headed down towards the chicken coop. 

 

It had been over a week since Dog had foolishly made the bet and he could feel every hour under his skin. He tried to keep busy and he suspected Cole was trying to help by giving him little tasks that he would normally do alone. They spent time together but as the days rolled on, it became harder and harder for them to spend that time alone. Last night Dog had read a lascivious passage out of Varric’s book and they’d stood under the waterfall in the Undercroft until they’d cooled off enough to go to sleep. 

So Dog wasn’t in a great mood. He tried not to let it get to him but after a few hours of carefully constructing a larger space for the hens to rest in and getting only nips and chicken mess for his troubles, he was a little cranky.

“You’re lucky you got so many eggs in here, love. Fat thing like you’d make a good meal,” Dog told Billina as he tried to settle her into the coop. She pecked at him but once she was in the other hens drew near her and she clucked contently at them, spreading her fluffy weight in the larger space.

“Regular queen in there, aren’t you?” Dog supposed it did make him feel better to see the stupid bird so happy. A little.

Later Dog was washing off in the privacy of one of the empty, crumbling rooms of Skyhold. Soldiers often used the room to do things that Cullen disapproved of but he liked it for the nice view of the mountains through the hole in the wall. He’d stripped down to his smalls and was getting the last bit of dirt off when the door opened suddenly. Dog had a truly colorful greeting prepared for whoever it was but when he turned it was Cole standing in front of him.

“Just finished your job for me, rabbit. All the hens are nice and snug in their new house,” Dog said, letting the wash rag drop into the bucket at his feet, intensely aware that he was almost naked and trying to distract himself. Cole didn’t answer him right away. When he looked at him, he was caught in Cole’s wide stare. There was heat in his eyes and it immediately kindled a responding heat in Dog’s stomach.

“You like what you see, sweet?” Dog asked huskily, rolling his big shoulders back.

“Yes,” Cole said and the simplicity of his answer, soft and honest, was enough to propel Dog forward until he was caging him in against the door. Dog leaned in close but didn’t let an inch of his body press against Cole’s.

“Like hearing that. Like it real well.” Dog brought his mouth down to the curved line of Cole’s neck and breathed out against it. He was shaking and they hadn’t even done anything. Cole pressed his hands lightly against Dog’s chest, the slightest pressure against sensitized flesh.

“I miss touching you,” Cole said, running his fingers down to Dog’s stomach and lower, hesitating right above where Dog wanted his hands the most. “I feel you touching me all the time, even when you’re not around. You’re everywhere where other people are supposed to be.”

Now Dog was shaking. He yanked Cole against him, hip to hip, and then they were kissing against the door. They might have been in trouble if there hadn’t been a knock at the door at that exact moment. Dog didn’t yell at the surprised guard standing on the other side of it but he thought some pretty mean things at him as the man sputtered out an apology. By the time he left, Dog wasn’t surprised to see that Cole had disappeared.

“I’m going to drown in that stupid waterfall,” Dog said and yanked on his clothes. 

 

“This shit is great.” Varric rubbed his mouth in satisfaction before taking another long swill of the dwarven rotgut Dog had given him. “My brother used to make this stuff all the time. It was the only thing I actually liked about him.”

“Mmmm-hmmmm. Brothers are terrible.” Dog leaned hard on one hand as he rolled around the liquid in his glass. “Still haven’t heard from the Herald’s scouting party?”

“They’ll be back soon.” Varric waved his hand dismissively in the air.

“Believe it when I see it,” Dog muttered. He picked at the food in front of him until he caught sight of Candy’s disapproving face. He took a healthy bit out of the roll and gave her a smile until she beamed back and walked away.

“We should play a game of Wicked Grace. Why don’t you go get Buttercup and the Kid and we’ll all go a few rounds?” Varric slapped the table and looked more excited than normal. It might have been the strong-smelling drink talking. “We used to do it every week in Kirkwall.”

“Sure.” Dog shrugged because what did it matter. He was a constant walking hard-on so why not lose all his nonexistent money so that Varric wouldn’t feel as homesick. The Herald was never coming home and he would die forgetting what his lover’s touch felt like.

Dog trudged up the stairs in the tavern, stopping on the second floor to kick Sera downstairs for the game. He continued up to the third floor and glanced around. Surprisingly Cole was nowhere to be seen, even though he watched with avid interest when Cole had gone up the stairs earlier in the evening. He thought he’d never really spent enough time admiring the broad expanse of Cole’s back and the way it spread long all the way to his firm, round arse. He’d definitely make up for it later. He’d admire until his hands fell off.

He went up the small set of stairs leading to the bedroom on the third floor and opened the door, Cole’s name on his lips as he went through. The word froze halfway out of his mouth when he saw the bed.

Cole was twisting desperately on the bed, one of his hands wrapped around his straining prick while the other dug into the blanket under him. He stopped immediately when he saw Dog but let out a low whimper as they stared at one another. “Hello.”

“Hello,” Dog said through numb lips. He forced his heavy legs over to the foot of the bed. He curled his fingers so hard into the wooden post that it creaked under his hands as he tried to memorize every inch of what was in front of him. Cole half-sat up on the bed, clearly about to get up and pull his tight leathers back on over his long, long legs. “Don’t stop. Don’t even think about stopping.”

Cole still hesitated but when another shuddered breath made his hand accidentally slip down his slick skin, he moaned and began stroking himself again. “I tried not to.”

“Mistake that. You do whatever you need to do.” Dog gripped the wood harder and leaned forward for a better look. Cole had never pleasured himself in front of him before and Dog realized that this had been a major oversight on his part. He should have been watching him do this every single day, every hour, every beautiful minute. “Not so fast, sweet, keep it slow. Show me how nice you can be to yourself.”

It’s likely that if Cole had asked in that moment, Dog would have thrown four royals down over the railing to Sera below and jumped onto the bed to help with his work. However they heard Sera call out for Dog in a loud, close voice and Cole froze again. Dog stumbled back, his eyes still locked on Cole’s body. His back hit the door and he reached blindly for the knob. “I want you to remember everything you do, all right? I want to see it later, every bit.”

Cole nodded, eyes sliding shut, and then Dog was on the other side of the door shouting down for Sera to calm her skinny arse down before he tossed her off the mountain. 

 

“So this is what it's like to be the Herald.” Dog whistled in admiration as he took a moment to examine the opulent bedroom, rubbing the sweat from his brow as he walked out onto the balcony. There were more windows than he thought he would like up in the mountains but the view couldn’t be beat. “It’s good to be blessed by Andraste.”

“It’ll feel like home now,” Cole said. He had one of his hands wrapped around the top of the last hideous statue. Dog had dutifully dragged its two brothers up the ladder to a loft overlooking the Herald’s bedroom and arranged them so they could stare down with their blank eyes. They were huge and horrible and Dog didn’t blame the maid for not wanting to mess about with them. He wondered what Sera would think when she saw them.

“Forgot Her Worship was from a flash family,” Dog murmured. It made him feel uncomfortable to know that such an important holy figure was from the upper class. It seemed wrong.

“She’s good. She wants to make things better.” Cole stopped touching the statue and joined him on the balcony. 

“They always want to make things better, sweet. But better for them is different than better for us.” Dog couldn’t help but push some of the hair out of Cole’s eyes and curl his hand down around his chin when Cole looked sad at his answer. “Ignore me. You must be right. You’re helping her and you wouldn’t be helping if it wasn’t right.”

Cole actually smiled at that, just the barest tug up on his lips, but it was enough to shove nearly every thought out of Dog’s head that wasn’t pressing his mouth down against that smile.

“Forget sometimes you’re doing such big work,” Dog murmured, running his thumb over Cole’s bottom lip. “Regular hero, you.”

“No. I’m helping. Everyone can help,” Cole protested but he did look pleased at the compliment.

“Most folks don’t though. I said hero and meant it.” Dog couldn’t hold himself back anymore and he replaced his thumb with his lips, kissing Cole as lightly as he could stand it.

Cole kissed him back, harder and more insistent, pushing him back against the railing on the Herald’s balcony. The thin cord of control Dog had been nurturing for days snapped like it had never existed and he reached down, yanking Cole flush against him by his hips.

They stumbled blindly back into the bedroom, unable to pull apart even to avoid the mess of trinkets on the Herald’s floor. Dog tripped over a bright red pillow that had to belong to Sera—it was too hideous for anybody else to love it—and the two of them fell heavy onto Trevelyan’s bed, still kissing frantically.

“I was being selfish, sweet,” Dog said as he worked his hand up the front of Cole’s shirt, over the hard planes of his chest until he could roll his thumb over a nipple. He pressed his mouth to Cole’s neck as he jerked under him. “Selfish prick trying to prove something. You’re the one doing stuff.”

Cole opened his mouth as if to respond to his statement but a low cry was the only thing that came out as Dog bit at his neck, running his hand down until he was caressing against the front of Cole’s leathers. He kneaded at the thickening flesh there until Cole moaned and then he moved his hand lower. He pulled away far enough to spread Cole’s legs open more and pressed his fingers against sensitive, clothed flesh.

“Tell me what you want. You want my fingers right in here?” Dog pressed harder. “You been missing something big and hard in you? I know you like it.”

“Yes,” Cole said, the word a choked agreement. He dug his fingers into the bedsheets as he looked down.

“Always so honest. My good, sweet rabbit. I’ve been neglectful. You just tell your man how he can make all this mess up to you.” Dog spread his fingers over Cole’s throbbing bulge. “You want me to suck your pretty prick? What do you want?”

Cole closed his eyes and sucked in air until he had calmed down enough to speak. He clutched tight to Dog’s arms. “I want you to win the bet. You’re good too.”

The words hit Dog like a hammer to the chest. He pulled away. “Fuck.”

Cole looked like he agreed with the sentiment even if he wasn’t going to swear over it. Dog sucked in a deep breath, running his hands through his hair until he finally had to laugh. He gestured between them. “We’re going to need more than just that cold waterfall this time, rabbit. Might have to go jump naked in a snowbank.” 

“That’s how the Cook’s father lost three of his toes.” Cole slowly swung his legs over the bed and stood up shakily. “She said they were lost but they really had to cut them off. He kept them in a jar.”

Dog knew he was well and truly fucked as a rational person when even that disturbing tidbit did nothing to dispel his raging desire to bend Cole over the Inquisitor’s desk. He held out his hand. “Let’s get out of here.”

They held hands with tight, comforting grips as they walked towards the door. Dog was about to say something innocuous to try to diffuse the situation as he opened the door but instead he almost immediately tripped over the Herald and Sera twined together on the staircase. He stared down at them in shock as they continued kissing like nothing had happened. If he’d been entirely in his right mind, he would have been impressed by Sera’s technique. He’d always figured that her boasts of skillful foreplay were as rubbish as her other boasts but she really did seem to know what she was doing.

“You’re back,” Dog said numbly. He lifted his eyes up to Cole. “She’s back.”

Andraste had answered his prayers and sent her messenger home. The long nightmare was finally over.

He was going to get laid like it was his fucking job.


	4. In Which Cole Is Definitely a Voyeur and Dog Might Be an Accessory to Blasphemy

“Don’t mind us!” Dog rushed down the tight hallway, one hand shielding his eyes as he passed the women still kissing on the stairs. He didn’t know if the Maker would blind him for looking at the Hand of Andraste’s divine cleavage but he wasn’t going to risk it. Also if the Maker didn’t blind him, he was fairly sure that Sera might give it a try if she ever came up for air.

At some point as he fled down the stairs Cole’s hand slipped out of his and by the time he went through the door, he realized that he was alone in the great hall. Dog glanced around in surprise. He admired Cole’s habit of being an adorable unencumbered cloud floating wherever he pleased but he was pretty sure he was going to pass out from the lack of blood in any other part of his body. 

“Rabbit?” Dog wandered up the hall to Varric’s table in front of the fireplace. Varric sometimes fell asleep over piles of letters but he was nowhere to be seen. Dog paused by an empty tankard on the table and considered. Cole might have stayed behind to greet the Herald, which would be as invasive in that moment as it was endearing. He supposed he would just stand around and wait for him. He leaned back against the edge.

As soon as he made that decision he was shoved down hard onto the table by a blur at his right side. Before he could catch his breath, Cole was straddling him, his strong legs pinning him down. Cole followed that up by kissing him until finally Dog had to pull back as much as he could and suck in some air. He was allowed this indulgence as Cole was too distracted by his efforts to tug off Dog’s belt without moving his teeth from the pulse point on his throat. He’d almost managed to yank it off before Dog recovered enough to speak.

“Where did you go?” Dog asked and then pressed the back of his head hard against the table as Cole shifted in a wonderful way on top of him. 

Cole paused and then pressed four heavy coins into Dog’s hand. “You forgot these.”

“Did you ask Sera for my money?” Dog was astounded and aroused and if Cole didn’t stop pressing his ass down against him, he was going to have a real problem. Dog reached up and grabbed Cole by his hips, stilling him despite the desperate sounds he made in response.

“No.” Cole shook his head hard and dug his fingers into Dog’s shoulders. “Trevelyan found five in a sack by the broken boat.”

Dog shot up to a sitting position, which would have tossed Cole out of his lap they hadn’t been clinging to each other. “You stole from the Herald of Andraste?”

If the Maker was going to strike Cole down for his blasphemy then Dog was prepared to go with him but he wanted to get it off one more time before it happened. He twined his hand into the messy thatch of Cole’s hair in order to pull him up for a kiss. The sisters always said that the Maker protected the innocent, which Cole really wasn’t but maybe He wasn’t paying close attention and would get confused. 

“Trevelyan said everything that’s hers belongs to Sera now and Sera didn’t have any money. She never did.” Cole squeezed a fistful of fabric as Dog moved down to his neck. “It wasn’t wrong.”

“No, not wrong,” Dog murmured as he licked along warm flesh. He’d already forgotten what they were talking about. He was way more interested in a puckered scar on the edge of Cole’s jaw that made him shudder when Dog bit softly into it. He began to help Cole rock against his hips, biting that small bit of skin in time with every sigh.

“This is unacceptable.” Dog froze, horrified at the voice, and when he looked up he was even more horrified to see that it was Madame Vivienne de Fer peering at them over the railing. She was wearing a silky, clinging nightgown that did nothing to help with the current problem.

“Sorry, Madame,” Dog managed out. 

Vivienne waved dismissively at him and turned back to her room, the silken gown fluttering around her legs. Dog stared until the last wispy piece was out of view and then only turned away because Cole bit him on the shoulder hard. 

“Fuck!” Dog ground Cole down onto him in surprise and they both moaned. Then they froze and glanced up. There was no movement from the loft above but the room was starting to feel much colder. 

“We need to go,” Dog said between clenched teeth as he watched thin tendrils of ice creep towards the fireplace.

“Yes, down dark and deep.” Cole got out of his lap and began pulling on his hands. His thin face was bright and eager. “We should go under where the masters watch through the cracks. It reminds them of the old stories.”

“I don’t want to know what that means because it sounds great.” Dog couldn’t help but steal a few more long kisses as Cole started leading him towards the hallways where Ambassador Motilyet’s office was. Dog remembered an earlier idea he’d had and stopped, much to Cole’s consternation. “I want to do something first.”

Cole breathed out hard, frowning as he appeared to concentrate on Dog’s face. He apparently didn’t see what he was looking for because he huffed out a tight, “What?”

“Come on.” Dog slid his hand down and tugged Cole towards the library door. Dog was excited right up until the moment when he entered the round room and didn’t see Solas anywhere. “Why does he keep going places all of a sudden?”

“He’s in the Fade, watching the blood turn to stones and then to a prison.” Cole wrapped his arms around Dog from behind and pressed his face to his back. “He had to leave to do it because The Iron Bull and Dorian kept waking him up.”

And as if they’d been waiting for a cue, Dog could hear the muffled sounds of coupling above them. He raised his head and almost flushed at the unfiltered passion in what had to be Dorian’s low cries. Apparently the Iron Bull really could give some pointers. That was something to think about some night.

Dog didn’t want to just leave, as much as Cole’s wandering hands were encouraging him to do exactly that, so he set the coins on the desk near some glowing thing that made him nervous and turned around. He cupped up Cole’s face to him and kissed him when he meant to say something snide about paying off judgmental busybodies.

This was clearly the right move because Cole immediately shoved him hard towards the couch in the room. As soon as Dog hit the cushions, he heard a loud crack underneath him. Cole paused and appeared distressed, which wasn’t the direction Dog wanted them to go towards.

“I can fix it. It’ll be good as new,” Dog promised. He pulled Cole back onto his lap after that made his melancholy face brighten once again. The noises above them were growing louder and while Dog had never considered himself much of a voyeur, it was visibly doing something for Cole. Dog growled around the tongue in his mouth and spread his hands under the swell of Cole’s ass.

“The ache is thicker than the pleasure. It spreads lower and twists in deeper.” Cole pulled back, his cheeks flushed as he lifted his pointed face up. His hands dug into the fabric of Dog’s shirt as he rolled his hips against him.

“We have to go,” Dog said. He stood up, Cole still twined around him. It was hard to walk holding someone who was determined to kiss every part he could reach but somehow Dog managed to get to the door leading to the ramparts.

In the years to come he would never quite remember how exactly they got back to the top room off of the tavern. He knew they must have gone through Cullen’s office and the Commander must not have been in there (or else he had gotten an eyeful that night and manfully never spoke of it to anyone). Dog was certain he could remember them stopping at one point to rut in the hollow of the defensive wall, facing out towards the mountains. They might have stayed there if a wandering scout hadn’t passed by and squealed in surprise. Dog gave him the four coins that Cole had borrowed from Varric and made him promise not to tell anyone in charge what he’d seen.

But soon enough Dog was pressing Cole down onto the bed in the tavern room and pulling away to admire the tempting spread of his body. Dog yanked his shirt off and grabbed Cole’s legs until he was sitting at the edge of the bed.

“I remember this, sweet. I came up here and saw you just like this that first night, waiting for me.” Dog thumbed around the open gasp of Cole’s mouth as he caressed him through his leathers. “You said such filthy things to me.”

“You kept thinking them, over and under and again until I couldn’t breathe.” Cole took Dog’s thumb into his mouth and licked at it, light and wet, until he moaned around it.

“My fault, was it? My fault you told me to suck your prick until you were begging for me?” Dog fell to his knees, almost clumsy in his eagerness. Cole helped him get his tight leathers off his long legs and Dog let his lips fall into a heavy smirk. “You didn’t even know what to beg for. You just wanted it all. Greedy, sweet spirt.”

Dog licked a line up the pulsing length of Cole’s erection and was overjoyed to hear his loud cry of relief. It felt like it had been so long. How could he have lived even one day without tasting the smooth, throbbing flesh in his hand? He’d been insane.

“Please,” Cole said, his thin fingers tangling up in Dog’s hair as he sucked him. 

Dog was a man of simple tastes. He liked to sleep and to eat and to steal and, most importantly, to get his mouth around some tender, sensitive skin and suck until it got him somewhere. Sometimes he thought he loved giving oral pleasure more than receiving but thankfully he was clever enough to know that he could have both. 

He released the heavy weight of Cole’s cock from his mouth and rose to his feet amid moaning protests. Those protests quieted when Dog joined him on the bed and then arranged them so that the fronts of Cole’s thighs were resting against his shoulders. Cole glanced back at him questioningly.

“Don’t you want to put that pretty mouth of yours around my big prick? Show me how it’s done?” Dog didn’t even wait for his response before he took Cole back into his mouth and began exploring every inch.

It took Cole a moment to get coordinated enough to pull Dog out from his trousers—he still had trouble feeling and doing at the same time—but once he did he wasted no time slipping his tongue against the hot skin. He managed it for a few moments, right up until the point where Dog swallowed him down to the bottom, and then Cole could only gasp as he pressed his cheek to Dog’s thigh. 

Dog didn’t mind. The attempt had been enough to make him ache and in any case it was good to have something to practice. He looked forward to all the long hours of work they’d have to put into the act of mutual pleasure before Cole could keep both giving and receiving together in his head.

Thankfully there was still a half-empty bottle of slick hidden back in one of the drawers from when they’d slept regularly in the room and Dog was able to fish it out without breaking contact with the cock sliding down his throat. That was important. He realized he’d have to let go in order to replace the fingers he was working into Cole’s ass with his own poor neglected prick but he’d cross that bridge when he came to it.

Cole’s tongue flicked out reflexively against his cock as Dog fingered him wide—progress for certain—but the sounds he was making sounded more strained by the moment. Dog supposed he was done with the foreplay. Cole was always so impatient. Someday he’d make Cole touch himself like he’d been doing earlier and not let him come until he was satisfied he’d seen every aching moment he could stand.

“You ready for me now, sweet? You want my prick filling you up just the way you like?” Dog couldn’t help but nuzzle a bit longingly against the cock still calling out for his mouth but as Cole squeezed around his fingers in response, he knew it was time.

They had switched before and Dog had been singularly impressed with Cole’s long prick inside him but there was something special about watching Cole’s face when he felt that first heavy push against his hole. He looked shocked every time, as though he’d forgotten in-between sessions what it felt like or how much he enjoyed being taken. He’d said in his own vague way that it felt like he was completely physical in that moment, no lingering whispers of the Fade calling him home. Dog was more than happy to pull him onto his fleshy level.

“Look at that,” Dog murmured as he spread his hands wide around Cole’s hips and slid deeper inside. There was a feeling growing in him lately and it was wide and heavy as he watched Cole claw at the sheets in desperation. The feeling scared him but the thought of not seeing that open look of pleasure on Cole’s face scared him way more. “Maker, you look so good on my prick, sweet. You’re going to open up so nice and wide for me, aren’t you? Let every last bit in just like you want.”

“Yes,” Cole said, almost calmly despite the constant hitch in his breath. “I want everything from you.”

“Fuck.” Dog gathered Cole up against him and began fucking him roughly. The bed squeaked and groaned under them but neither paid any attention as they moved together with growing passion. Dog finally lost it when Cole’s voice cracked from use. He moaned when he felt Cole squeeze tightly around him in response to him coming and was gratified to feel his release spill between them.

It wasn’t until Dog thrust one last time, hard and deep to make sure that every last drop of his seed would end up inside Cole that the bed groaned for the last time in protest and then cracked under them. The bed tilted in one direction towards the floor and Dog had to laugh in surprise. Cole barely seemed to notice as he wound his arms around Dog’s neck and breathed out in relief.

“I can fix this,” Dog promised and Cole shrugged under him. Apparently Cole was less concerned over furniture in already crumbling parts of the keep. That was good to know.

 

Hours later Dog was lazily fingering Cole to a quiet orgasm when a thought came to him. He dragged his mouth from the back of Cole’s neck to his ear and bit the soft shell there as he asked, “What’s the Fade like?”

“Mmmmm?” Cole murmured. He shifted his legs on the bed to better accommodate Dog’s fingers inside him and turned his face back a bit to look at him. “I don’t remember all the parts. My head doesn’t work the same way here and it was wrong the last time I was there. But I remember some of the songs. Everything was a part of everything else, even the parts that hurt.”

Dog considered that even as he lifted one of Cole’s legs up onto his hip so that he could replace his fingers with the head of his cock. He pressed inside slowly and began rocking into him with gentle movements. Cole sighed in sleepy pleasure and pressed his cheek to his arm. Another thought occurred to Dog and he asked it even though it made him feel uncomfortable, “Do you ever want to go back?”

Cole reached back to press his palm to the back of Dog’s neck. “I don’t know. I can’t go back if I’m Cole. Every memory of him in me makes me forget how to be what I was before. And I don’t know if I can forget him now. Other things tie me to those memories.”

“Like me?” Dog asked and immediately regretted it. He thrust a few forceful times as a distraction and was satisfied to hear Cole moan softly. 

He almost thought that Cole had forgotten his question when they came together in a soft climax and then Cole spoke again, his voice low and certain, “Yes. You hold me here to you. You and Trevelyan and Varric and Solas and everybody else. You all remember me as I am now.”

Dog swallowed and finally chuckled. “Even Sera?”

“Yes, even Sera,” Cole said and was quiet for so long that Dog didn’t know when he’d fallen asleep, just that he clearly was, nestled up against him. Dog pulled the blanket up around them and was asleep almost as quickly, secure in the knowledge that at the very least Cole would be there in the morning. That was enough for now. 

 

The next morning was a bit chaotic. Thankfully Candy was the first to discover them up in the tavern room and although she wasn’t that upset by the broken bed, she was keen on sharing her amusement with the other girls. Dog and Cole had barely gotten themselves decent before Candy returned with breakfast and an obscenely cheerful Fauna. She whistled when she saw the bed.

“I’m not surprised given the fuss you two were making last night.” Fauna bounced her hair up and grinned wide. “Cabot’s going to be furious!”

“We could tell him it was the Bull,” Candy said firmly and then giggled with Fauna almost on reflex. “He wouldn’t dare say anything to him.”

“Rocky will fix it,” Fauna decided. “He knows what’s good for him after I gave him that nice present.”

The girls giggled in conspiratorial agreement and Dog smiled at them over his breakfast. “Thanks, loves. Appreciate it.”

“Whatever,” Fauna said and flipped her hand through her bright red hair. There was a conversation’s worth of further giggling before Dog and Cole finally made their way downstairs. 

Dog was flabbergasted when he saw Solas sitting at one of the tables, calmly sipping from a tankard as he eyed a chess set in front of him. Iron Bull was sitting on the other side of him and rubbing his chin. He looked so pleased with himself that it was intimidating.

“Are you having trouble remembering where the pieces are?” Iron Bull asked and then laughed, slamming his big fist down onto the table. “I could always remind you.”

“That’s not necessary. I thought that it might be enjoyable for us to have two games in play, one here and one out in the field.” Solas took a moment to sip his ale. His narrowed eyes lit on Dog and Cole briefly before turning away. He almost looked amused but it was hard to tell on his face when it so closely resembled his usual wry expression. “I unexpectedly came into possession of some money last night and I thought that this would be a good use for it.”

“Hey, if you want to lose twice, that’s your business.” Iron Bull picked up a piece and squinted at it with his one eye. “This is some good work on the tits.”

“I thought that you might like it,” Solas said, still smirking faintly. “You’re always so fixated on the Queen.”

Iron Bull laughed again and noticed Dog and Cole moving towards the door. “You kids want to learn how to play chess so that Solas has someone he can beat? Or are you still recovering from last night?”

This last part was said with such an exaggerated wink that Dog wondered if his eyepatch would pop off in protest. He would have said no but Solas was actually looking at him with a serene expression on his face, not challenging or expectant but somehow contemplative.

“Sure, might be fun,” Dog muttered and joined the table. Cole slid across from him immediately and began picking up the pieces, peering at them so intently that it made him smile.

“They all want to win. How do you decide?” Cole asked and rubbed the top of a horse’s head.

“Patience. Skill.” Solas folded his hands together and eyed his pieces. “And you have to learn to want it more than anything else. That’s very important.”

“Oh,” Cole murmured and to Dog’s surprise reached his hand across the table to wind his fingers with his own. “I can learn that.”

And Dog thought, as he rubbed the tops of Cole’s fingers and watched the slowest game of chess he’d ever seen in his life, that he could learn it too. He’d always been a poor student but he was starting to think that for some things, the result was worth the effort.


End file.
